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Extreme Makeover Blog Edition

erratic_prophet | 09 March, 2007 18:30

Thought the place needed some brightening up. I'm so sick of the dreary weather here. It's been nothing but cold, snow, rain, and more cold. That groundhog was on some acid, I tell you. Spring's coming, my ass.

Hopefully, it doesn't burn anyone's eyes out. The new design, not the groundhog, acid, or my ass. Most especially not my ass..

Hooray and Crap

erratic_prophet | 24 February, 2007 22:30

I've been thinking strictly in these terms lately, so it's only fitting that we all hop onto the bullet list train...

Hooray:

Love working in cosmetics.
Really love my commission in cosmetics.
Went to a "Strategy Class" for my cosmetics company at a chi-chi chateau and was fed wonderful food and given free products (one of which isn't in stores yet).

Pill Party

erratic_prophet | 11 January, 2007 13:24

I'm currently drugged up to high heaven. Luckily, I've been off work for a few days, so this is ok. Also, these were prescribed; doubly ok. Remember how I said my back was really super bad? Well, it got even worse. So bad that I couldn't raise my hands over my head and couldn't bend over. I guess it was a good thing that I had a doctor's appointment that day or I would've really been in trouble.. (More)

Merry YAWN Christmas

erratic_prophet | 25 December, 2006 13:05

Merry Christmas, all!

So tired. Hate retail. Evil people waiting until last minute, I spit on you. Might get department transfer. Lost another coworker. Still being stalked.

More to come. Crashing again.

Where the Hell Have I Been?

erratic_prophet | 07 December, 2006 16:55

I've been such a naughty girl not posting here in ages. I did have some opportunity, but I selfishly decided to use my free time to relax. Well, not so much relaxing, really. That's just been the past few days. Before that it's been all running around here and there. Doing this, doing that, getting a new cell phone, being stalked some more, being a wunderkind at work without any effort whatsoever, going on a Girl's Night Out, and so on... (More)

Why I Hate Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo

erratic_prophet | 20 November, 2006 12:44

A bulleted list of the reasons why I hate Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo (and why I'm going back to Yasmin):

It's spin-the-dial format. I don't do well with circular. Do you know how many times I've over-clicked and had to spin all of the way around again to the right day? I need linear!
Numbers. I can't do numbers either. Am I on day 12 or 13? Or was it actually 11? I don't know! Give me days of the week! I know when it's Monday or Tuesday! Or I can ask someone and they know.

Ultimate Betrayal

erratic_prophet | 30 October, 2006 11:11

The flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood, fruit of my looms-- or loins, whatever-- has betrayed me in the worst way ever. I'm not sure I can ever recover from this. My daughter bought a-- SOB-- Nickelback album.

Kill me now.

All New Low

erratic_prophet | 27 October, 2006 14:19

Lately, I've been on a pill popping frenzy. Not illegal drugs, mind you, all prescribed. My gyno's been switching my birth control to a lower dosage hormone to, hopefully, cut back my migraines, but, unfortunately, my insurance doesn't cover the one he gave me, so I'm switching to a different one in a few days time when this pill pack runs out. By the way, anyone have any experience with Ortho Tricyclen Lo? That's what I'll be switching too and I'm hoping I don't become too loopy. I've been horribly hormonal this month, suffering from mood swings and break outs. But not all of that can be blamed on the birth control. Another pill would be to blame for some of that.. (More)

Panic at the Office

erratic_prophet | 19 October, 2006 15:51

Ok, so technically I don't work in an office. Yet.

I know what you're thinking. "R? In an office?! Has she finally lost it?" The answer to that is: Yes. And no. I've completely lost my shit and finally come to my senses. All at once. Now you know why I've been too busy to write.

Duh-Rah-Mah!

erratic_prophet | 03 October, 2006 15:38

So lately, over the course of several weeks, I've been in the grips of doctor drama, work drama, family drama, basically any kind of drama you can think of. Because I'm a magnet for that sort of thing.

The doctor drama... I finally got fed up with my doctor. Not only did I become fed up with him, my pharmacist was fed up with him. So I dropped him and took up my family's-- Yes, my whole family goes to the same doctor. It saves on explaining family medical history.-- doctor because I saw he was finally available to my insurance. This is when things went bad and weird.

Holy Crap!

erratic_prophet | 18 September, 2006 12:24

I thought that an apt title since those are the words that have been so frequently falling from my lips. I've been a busy little monkey lately. I've been: getting the kids ready for school, helping new hires at work, bracing myself for the upcoming holiday onslaught, and fending off well-meaning cupids. I haven't had a chance to breathe! (More)

Pulling Teeth

erratic_prophet | 25 August, 2006 10:58

This is how I envisioned it: I get dropped off at the dentist's office. I'm knocked right out and when I come to, I've got no wisdom teeth. I get picked up with a lovely prescription of pain killers in my hand. I lie around in a semi-comatose, hopefully not very drooly, state and watch movies while the kids stay (quietly) away and let me recuperate.

Needless to say, that didn't happen.

Bad Things

erratic_prophet | 17 August, 2006 11:31

I've been trying to keep up with work, yearly doctor appointments, getting the kids ready for school, and still leaving some time for me to curl into a fetal position in the back of my closet to sob quietly about the cesspool that is my life. It's hard. Not the sobbing, that comes naturally.

I've found out that I'm not the only person at working looking for a new job. Quite a few others are as well. Some have succeeded. I am happy for them, but I also feel the tug of self pity. I want a nifty job that pays more! I'll settle for a job that pays more.

A Tip for the Guys

erratic_prophet | 06 August, 2006 01:01

To any guys out there who may read this, should you happen to see a lady you find attractive in the supermarket parking lot after dark, I suggest that you do not follow her around while grunt "Uhn!" at her. It will not make her swoon. It will only creep her out and make her want to mace you.

Quick and Dirty

erratic_prophet | 01 August, 2006 00:19

Another list-- you hate me, I know-- because I have no time. Ever.

Got a Dooney & Bourke bag for-- after all discounts and so on-- only $70. I'm still squealing with excitement over that. It's so pretty. It's the sand one just like this. I love it so much that I'm afraid to use it. I just gaze upon it lovingly and occasionally pat it.

The Ugliest Jacket Ever

erratic_prophet | 24 July, 2006 11:35

During my search for vacation wear, I stumbled upon something so shockingly awful that it nearly brought me to my knees. Luckily, I had been sitting or collapse would've been imminent. It's so horrifying that I can't even put the picture up on my blog. I couldn't bear to see it each time-- maybe once a week or so-- that I come here. Without further ado, I give you...

The World's Ugliest Jacket EVER

More Random Fun (Or Not) Stuff

erratic_prophet | 19 July, 2006 18:50

Because putting together a post is too much work..

Been hitting the library a lot lately. Trying to catch up on books and movies. Fell in love with all of the pretty people in House of Flying Daggers. So pretty.
Been working on getting a decent faux glow with various self tanners. Finally settled on Banana Boat's Every Day Glow. It's very realistic looking.

Letters

erratic_prophet | 13 June, 2006 11:15

Dear life,

Stop sucking.

Ready to pimp slap someone,

R

***

Dear work,

Yesterday made me happy. Things went well. All was busy when it should have been, all was quiet when it needed to be. I look forward to days like that. That is, until I come home and look up my up-coming check online and see you totally screwed me out of money. I want my $28.56, dammit! And? I totally hate that one manager. She's a wench. Also? Could you possibly schedule me for more hours? I'm sure I don't need to sleep or eat or breathe. Yes, that was sarcasm.

Hugs an' kisses,

R

Butterball

erratic_prophet | 26 May, 2006 11:24

(The title is a nod to my grandmother who gave my scrawny little mother-- always was tiny, always will be tiny-- that very nickname as a child. I'm sure it was irony. But, then, she was around during Auschwitz so you never can tell with my grandma... Did I mention that my family is twisted?)

I've gotten off topic and I haven't even started yet. What got me on my soapbox this week was a post by Michelle discussing a news program she heard about how state government (in Australia, I assume, because that is where she's from) is considering introducing weighing children at school and shaming parents into doing something about their overweight children. This set me off into a mini rant in her comments. Here's the sick part where I quote myself..

Sensitized Pain Receptors

erratic_prophet | 22 February, 2006 12:29

Or I Picked a Bad Week to Cut Back on Caffeine...

This will surely venture where no man wants to go. Yes, the gyno's office. Again.

I went to the gyno the other day because the Depo Provera shot wore off-- or will wear off or something-- and I need some form of birth control. Not because I'm actually getting any-- by any I, of course, cotton candy, mom, so stop reading over my shoulder. I need the birth control to basically slow down my ovaries and slow down my endometriosis. Aren't you glad you stopped by to read this?

Objects In the Mirror..

erratic_prophet | 05 February, 2006 22:34

I really need to get cracking on that exercise resolution. I've been complaining about feeling unfit and flabby and blech lately. The scale hasn't really budged-- except for bloating issues, but that's expected-- but I feel, well, blech. You can't strut your sexy self around when you feel blech. You schlump. (More)

Good Golly!

erratic_prophet | 22 January, 2006 13:46

I got a lovely email from Photobucket.com today warning me that I've exceeded my 2000 MBs of bandwidth for the month and that if I pass 2500 MBs, I'll have a really ugly blog for the rest of the month. That meant transferrring a whole lotta pictures around and hoping that'll ease the burden. I know some images aren't showing up properly yet. I'm surfing the technical difficulties wave.

Boring? Bliss!

erratic_prophet | 21 January, 2006 09:22

I haven't written much lately because there really hasn't been much to write about. Things have been quiet. That's a good thing. I like quiet. I like boredom. I want to be so bored that my eyes continually roll back into my head. Ok, maybe not that bored..

Not that there haven't been any problems. There've been a few fights and snits and all, but everything else has been pretty darn good that it outweighs the bad. Sounds like it's....list time!

Not-So-Happy Holidays

erratic_prophet | 30 December, 2005 11:22

Wow.. I really haven't written is a while, have I? It's not all my fault, I assure you! Part of it was work and my crazy hours. (I worked till 11:30PM quite a few nights in a row and then a ten hour shift somewhere in there.) The other part? Well, I've been doing battle with amazon... (More)

Calling the Cops

erratic_prophet | 16 December, 2005 20:45

Or Blockage vs. Dirt.

It's gotten to the point where anytime I see any kind of construction going on, I can feel my blood pressure rise. The idiot squad across the street is still moving around various piles of dirt and blocking up the road, but not doing much else. Unless you consider making lots of noise doing something. Today was the final straw: they blocked our fucking driveway.

More Random Thoughts

erratic_prophet | 08 December, 2005 16:06

Why do kids-- and cats-- think that if they can't see you, you can't hear them? You'd think they'd have figured this all out by now-- at least the kids-- since I have been known to yell across the house "I'm not deaf, you know!"
Perfume? Doesn't taste as good as it smells.
I really don't like getting hot flashes. I really, really don't like waking up with them.

The Unhappy Hooker

erratic_prophet | 08 December, 2005 10:32

That sound you just heard? Was probably me screaming in frustration.

The reason I haven't been blogging is because I was determined to crochet my own hat and scarf set this winter. Any set I remotely admired anywhere cost a small fortune and I wasn't having that. So I bought up some yarn and found a cute design that I added to and set out to make me some knitwear.

The Psychotic Snipper

erratic_prophet | 04 December, 2005 12:25

The salon (ex?) boss is a crackhead.

I noticed the odd bit of insanity now and then, but shrugged it off as eccentricity. Even when my dear Albanian friend-- a.k.a., DAF-- told me she was insane, I attributed it to a clash of egos mixed in with a bit of dramatic exaggeration on my friend's part. Today, I learned how right she was. And I called her to apologize.

Whoops!

erratic_prophet | 28 November, 2005 17:41

I've never been good at sitting around. Resting and recovery aren't my strong suits. My many months of bedrest during both of my pregnancies-- I'm feeling your pain, Edana!-- were plain torture to me. But I did it because it was good for the kids. I had a reason for resting.

This time, I have to rest because it's good for me. And I'm not doing so well with that. I spent most of the week in a semi-conscious state on the couch with the TV on and my crocheting on my lap. Don't I sound like a little old lady? After a while, even with the drugs, I started to develop cabin fever. Or couch fever. Something.

Remembering...

erratic_prophet | 16 November, 2005 12:46

...why I grew my bangs out in the first place. They're a pain in the ass.

So, I lied. I kept cutting shorter because they were in my face constantly and driving me insane. That coupled with my raging hormones made me want to stab random people and hack at my bangs with any mildly sharp object nearby. I figured the best solution would be for me to just snip them until I wasn't going insane anymore and then, when my raging tsunami of hormones settles down to a small squall, grow them out again.

Because cute doesn't always equal comfortable. Or sanity inducing.

A Week In the Life

erratic_prophet | 14 November, 2005 14:25

Ye gods, so much to tell, so little time..

That salon job? Going well. It's only a few days a week and I get half of what I do. It hasn't been horribly busy, but I'm still averaging more than $10 an hour doing that. It's a pleasant change to actually have money in my wallet.

My friend? Dear A (my Albanian friend) from that very salon? Walked out the day after I started. And never told me. I had to find out from the boss. Oh, yeah. That wasn't weird at all. I guilted A a bit for putting me in such an awkward position and verbally slapped her upside the head for quitting over a blow out gone awry. I'm hoping she comes back. We make a good team.

The World vs. Me

erratic_prophet | 02 November, 2005 15:37

And the world is so kicking my ass.

To say that today is a very bad day would be a gross understatement. At first, it seemed a bit of a fluke. A bad fluke, but a fluke nonetheless. Then, when things kept sliding down the slippery slope of shit-- like my alliteration?-- I became suspicious. Now, I'm quite sure of it: The world is out to get me.

Slacker

erratic_prophet | 31 October, 2005 19:33

That'd be me. I've been a total slacker with this blog lately. I haven't had much to write about. Not a whole post's worth, anyway. More randomness...

I still don't know who won the pumpkin contest. I'm a wee bit annoyed by this. The higher-ups at work are bigger slackers than I.
I'm determined to get a hair cut this week. I haven't had one since the beginning of the year, I believe, and I'm way overdue. I will hurt anyone trying to get in my way.

I've Been Tired

erratic_prophet | 26 September, 2005 22:30

The past few weeks have been so unbelievably hectic. It's one appointment after another. My checkups, the kids, errands. It's insane and I'm exhausted. And I'm not even done yet. Add to that some drama and you have my life for the past 29-- nearly 30-- years. (More)

The Dentist's Chair

erratic_prophet | 23 September, 2005 15:06

Or How I Learned What Burning Teeth Smelled Like.

Today was that day I've long dreaded. The day I got cavities and had to have them drilled and filled. I fretted all last night and The Boy called me a wuss. Then he quickly ran away before the laser beams shooting from my eyes burned through his skull.

Murder Death Kill

erratic_prophet | 21 September, 2005 21:31

I'm so angry right now. I'm shaking and I want to hurt someone. That someone has a name, but I won't mention it here. Suffice to say, he's a neighbor's kid. (More)

Weekend in Review

erratic_prophet | 19 September, 2005 13:53

Not sure if I am actually able to talk about the entire weekend here. Not because I'm not allowed, but it seems like a lifetime ago and I'm not sure I can remember much of what happened. Yes, I know it only ended yesterday. No, I'm not drunk. It's a shame, really. It would've been better drunk.. (More)

And There Was Much Rejoicing

erratic_prophet | 16 September, 2005 14:45

I bought the Lost Season 1 DVD today! Yay!

I also found out that I have two cavities! Ya-- aww, shit..

I bought the DVD to make myself feel better about the cavities. Retail therapy is the best kind of therapy. These would be my first two cavities ever. Ever. My streak? It is broken. I'm going to wallow in some Dr. Jack. Mmmrrrrrrrrrr..

Almost Like a Date

erratic_prophet | 14 September, 2005 15:28

I know. You're shocked. You're wondering, "Did R finally go out?! Anywhere? In the sun?" Well, kinda sorta. I went out. To the gyno.

Oh, yes. It's tmi time!

The Dancing Has Stopped

erratic_prophet | 10 September, 2005 23:05

He's back.

Oh, the Guilt

erratic_prophet | 07 September, 2005 12:37

You know that line from Love Story? "Love means never having to say you're sorry"? I always thought that line was the biggest crock of bullshit ever. The reality is just the opposite of that line. Love means always saying you're sorry because you're always feeling guilty about something.

This is particularly true if you're a parent.

Opera

erratic_prophet | 30 August, 2005 16:58

Last night I was stuck working with the human snail who had the memory of an amnesiatic goldfish. This meant more work for me. I actually pulled my back. I'm not sure if it was all of the extra lifting and running around I was doing, or the tension from restraining myself from throttling her whilst screaming like a banshee. It doesn't really matter which it was because my back friggin hurts. A lot. I was so annoyed with the woman that I actually complained to a manager about it. Yeah, that bad.

Anyway, enough bad news. I've decided to try out Opera. It's free to register today. I downloaded it here. What do I think so far? It's ok. But I think I like firefox better still. Firefox just seems more compatible with most web pages.

The Final Test

erratic_prophet | 16 August, 2005 15:09

Today was my CT scan. My very last test. At least, it had better be my last test. I'm done with these things. I've got enough holes and bruises on my arms to make people suspect that I might very well be a junkie. (More)

3 Down, 1 to Go

erratic_prophet | 11 August, 2005 12:29

So I got up early-- on my day off, too-- to go to the doctor for the third of what seems to be an endless stream of tests. Many in the medical profession have seen me topless lately. I've been felt up quite a few times. I feel I'm owed at least one dinner. Only fair, after all. (More)

The Other Tests

erratic_prophet | 08 August, 2005 21:31

Not the pass/fail kind.

I went to the doctor today for my two week check up after being very, very sick and thrown on much medication. I actually haven't been feeling all that great. Not in a hacky-coughy way, in a I had a migraine for 3 days straight and sorta passed out-- in front of the kids too-- way. Which was scary enough, but then I nearly passed out again two days later and I knew I needed to tell the doctor about it.

Dead

erratic_prophet | 24 July, 2005 09:50

I haven't been posting lately because I've come down with an acute case of death.

Ok, I'm not actually dead. I just wish I were.

Rush

erratic_prophet | 17 July, 2005 21:45

Oh. My. God.

This week/weekend has been a blur. I'm not even sure when it started. I was just racing along, then I was coasting along, now I'm on the side of the road with steam pouring out from under my hood.

I can't even string together enough words to form proper sentences, never mind paragraphs. That means: List Time!

Ennui

erratic_prophet | 13 July, 2005 20:19

Today I spent the better part of the day debating whether I really wanted to go out shopping. I have this overwhelming sense of ennui and can hardly be bothered to do much of anything. You know it has to be bad to keep me from shopping.

Total Meltdown

erratic_prophet | 04 July, 2005 22:30

I can talk about it now that it's over. Well, mostly almost over. The freak out part is over at least..

Let's start this over. I had a total meltdown last week. Major test coming up, not enough time to study, then the person who was going to be my model backed out on me. All of this with one week to go before The Test.

Spastic Geek

erratic_prophet | 02 July, 2005 21:41

That's my new title for myself.

The problem is that I try to do about fifty things at once and my body won't cooperate and I wind up with bruises. I have a lot of bruises. I've always had a lot of bruises. I come from a long line of spastic geeks.

Levitate Me

erratic_prophet | 01 July, 2005 21:43

When I said that I needed to get back into yoga, I meant it. I've been doing yoga with a vengeance. A peaceful, soothing, meditative kind of vengeance. It's become more addictive than my morning bowl of crack flakes. Probably because I've been in dire need of stress relief. Which would explain why my body went into old lady gimpy mode. If I had to say "Oh, my aching back.. Damn! I think I threw it out again." one more time...

Grumpy

erratic_prophet | 28 June, 2005 19:22

Between the humidity, heat, allergies, lack of sleep, panic, work, and cramming I've become a grumpy, grumpy person. So, of course, my father-- who I thought was finally starting to be semi-decent-- decides to be a complete asshole.

Currently?

erratic_prophet | 26 June, 2005 20:16

Between the lack of sleep last night-- everything conspired against me-- and much work today-- again, everything conspired against me-- I found myself passed out on the couch, too tired to wake up and get up to go to the bathroom to pee. TMI? Yeah, maybe. But so what?

Retraction

erratic_prophet | 23 June, 2005 09:53

Of course, since I ranted yesterday, Murphy felt he had to jump into action and make things happen. A good portion of the things on my rant list have changed.

Here is the updated version:

Rant List

erratic_prophet | 22 June, 2005 13:10

This should be-- if it hasn't already become-- a weekly thing. It's like my Good vs. Bad or Good, Bad, and Ugly lists. It really needs its own category. I'll get to work on that...

Without much ado, let's get onto what's gotten my panties in a bunch lately..

Arch Nemesis

erratic_prophet | 01 June, 2005 22:41

Ok, not really an arch nemesis..

But I don't like her. I tried to! I really did! But...I don't. I've noticed that every time we work together, that she works really hard to look like she's doing something when she's totally not doing anything. It's irksome. And that's not the only thing. I compiled a list of sorts on my way home..

BeepBEEP BeepBEEP

erratic_prophet | 26 May, 2005 18:02

Living in suburbia, as we do, there are certain things that you just do because they're done.

One of those things is caring about your lawn. We failed that miserably. It's a brownish green and patchy. We do not have the suburban lawn. That's mostly because of god knows what the kids have been doing. I caught them kicking around dirt the other day, causing yet another grassless patch in our yard.

Not Happy

erratic_prophet | 22 May, 2005 18:35

I'm really not happy with the large, awkward looking Google ad stuck up on my page. Yes, I understand that free blogs need some revenue. I get that. But I really don't like that we weren't given a choice in where the ads were placed. I know that I wouldn't have chosen to put it above my header. It throws off the look of the page.

Baptism by Fire

erratic_prophet | 19 May, 2005 16:20

Or My First Day at Work.

Or or Wednesday, Bloody Wednesday.

I was only supposed to observe. Maybe ring up a few people when it was slow, check the fitting rooms, and put things back on the rack. That's all.

Burning Down the House

erratic_prophet | 15 May, 2005 19:10

It ain't just a song anymore. Not after today, anyway.

Ok, ok. I didn't quite burn down the house. Not the whole house..

Bloody Easter Eggs

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:33

I hate Cadbury creme eggs.

Things I've Been Chased By..

erratic_prophet | 12 May, 2005 15:17

My family has a fine tradition of being chased by various animals and I continue to follow in their footsteps. Here is a list of animals that I have been chased by: (More)